Innocent and Pure Unlike me Chapter 16

"Guess what you guys," I shouted to my mom and sister who were standing in the lobby of the DMV "I passed!"
"Way to go, Kristen, " my mom said wrapping her arms tightly around me in a hug "And your first try too, it took your dad and I each three tries before either of us could pass. I'm really proud of you, birthday girl."
Patricia chimed in "Does that mean sissy can drive me and the twins places?"
"Not quite yet, honey. Your sister can only have one person besides family in the car at a time. She has to wait a few months before she can haul all three of you around."
Patricia pouted for a moment.
"Don't worry, when I have my restrictions taken off I rpomise I'll take you guys some place extra special."
"But, you'll have your baby by then, won't you?" asked Patricia almost whining.
I looked down for a moment, thinking "she's right, in six months I'll be a mother. That's going to change everything."
After a minute I spoke up "Don't worry, I'll find time for you guys as well."
Patricia looked up at me smiling as my number was called, so my picutre could be taken for my driver's license. I stood against a wall with a blue backdrop behind me and smiled as a man at a desk facing me snapped my picture. Within five minutes my name was called and I picked up my new license that I would show my dad, Adalyn, Breann, Thani, and of course Hayden when I got home. I had to call Alicia and Mandi to tell them the news as well.
My mom handed me the keys to the car and said "It's your turn. Just don't kill us my mom joked."
"Don't worry," I snickered "Must be doing something right if I passed on the first try."
I put the keys in the ignition and shifted the car into reverse as I backed out of the parking space.
"By the way," my mom said "I got a surprise for you at home."
"What's that?" I asked.
"Oh, you'll see, honey. You'll see."
***
When I pulled into the driveway a petite, light blue car that was not there before sat in the drive way. It had a missing hub cap and one of the doors was dark green with a dent in it, but it had character. My dad sat outside on the front porch. He had gotten off of work early today. I looked up at my parents than at the car.
"Is this really for me..." I hesitated "How did you come up with the money?"
My dad chimed in "The car's from all of us, me, your mom, Brad, Mandi, and even Alicia chipped in. They sent us the money and your mom and I went to pick out a car for you this morning."
"Does that mean..."
"Yes, Kristen. I took the day off of work just for you."
I ran up to my father to give him a hug and asked "You know I passed, right?"
"Now I do." my father said, almost laughing.
"Look in the back seat as well." my mother chimed in.
I got up and walked back over to the car. In the back seat, right behind the driver's seat was a navy blue carseat with white polka dots on it. The seat was all fastened in, so I wouldn't have to go through the frustration of fastening in the seat myself for the first time, and it would be all set to go when the baby was born.
"Mandi used to use that one for Alex, but he's too big for it now," my mom said "She figured she'd give it to you."
"Oh my god," I shirked " Thank you, thank you to them and both of you. I can't beleive you all did this for me."
"By the way, Kristen," chimed in my dad "Someone from the *grocery store Breann works at called. I think her name is Kendra. She wants to schedule and interview with you sometime this week. I think she said around three or four tomorrow. That should work for you, right?"
"Yeah," I said "I'll call them back when I get in the house."
I opened the front door and a swarm of people popped out of hiding screaming in unison "Happy birthday Kristen!"
I could see Adalyn, Breann, Thani, even Hayden, and Mandi, Brad, Alex, and even Alicia managed to show up. I stood in the doorway still in shock, yet amazed to see everyone who had showed up to celebrate my sweet 16. Until now I had thought I was too old for surpise parties, but had come to realize this was one of the best surprises I had ever experienced in my entire life.
"Just wait a minute," I said "I need to make a quick phone call and then we can have fun."
Everyone came out frim thier hiding places and started talking and hanging out in the living room while I went into the kitchen to give Kendra a call back about the interview. When I dialed the number for the grocery store the phone rang just twice and right away Kendra picked up.
"Hi, it's me Kristen," I said "I'm calling about the interview tomorrow. Is 4:00PM still open?"
"Yes it is" replied Kendra.
"Thanks." I replied.
"I'll have you down for four then," replied Kendra "goodbye."
I stormed back into the living room to tell everyone the good news about getting my license and the interview all in one day. Today had to be one of the best days of my life. I noticed Alicia socializing with Adalyn, Breann, Thani, and Hayden at the dining room table.
"Kristen," I heard Alicia say "I hear that Hayden really likes you."
I could see Hayden blushing across the room, and I was probably blushing as well. Alicia was interrogating him continuously with questions. I guess she wanted make sure he wasn't going to hurt me. She continued on with questions like what are your intentions with Kristen, how did you two meet, do you care that she's pregnant, and so on, and from the looks of it she approved of his answers.
Alicia walked over to me and whispred "Looks like a keeper for now, but I'll still be looking out for you, even if I'm not right there. By the way I got another detention for sticking up for you last week. Cassidy and Kateena started making up rumors about you sleeping with multiple guys from your new school, and that the only reason you don't know who your baby's father is, is because you're an irresponsible slut, which I know is abolutely not true. So, I decided to tell them off in Spanish, during spanish class, using a few choice Spanish swear words, and lets just say Senorita Green didn't approve of my use of the Spanish language so she gave my a week of detention."
"Alicia," I said "I thought you were the good girl. Now you're getting suspended and serving detentions just to stick up for me?"
"Don't worry, Kristen. The punishments don't bother me. It's what those bitches are saying about you that bothers me, and even though some would consider me a straight-laced good girl, even you have noticed that I have a very hot temper."
"Ha, I forgot about that. You're the last person I'd want to get pissed off."
"Exactly." Alicia replied.
After Alicia spoke to me alone the two of us went back to join the rest of the group. Adalyn was playing with Alex while Brad and Hayden were discussing music. Mandi, Thani, and Breann we're all laughing at political jokes they were sharing back and forth about the current president.
"Less than a month and he'll be outta there!" said Thani.
"Finally," Mandi chimed in "Eight years of living under that idiot's reign is just too long."
Alex was showing Adalyn tow of his toy cars, one was red and one was blue.
"I like the blue one." said Alex.
"Can you show me which one the blue one is?" asked Adalyn holding the two cars in each of her hands.
Alex pointed to the car in her left hand which happened to be the blue one.
"That one," he said pointing his finger "It goes fastest."
"Are you sure?" asked Adalyn.
Alex nodded his head.
"You want to race?" asked Adalyn.
Alex nodded again bobbing his head up and down.
"Now you take the blue car and I'll take the red, and when I say go we push them across the floor."
Adalyn and Alex set the two cars down on the floor.
"Ready...Set...and...Go!" shouded Adalyn as the two of them pushed thier cars across the floor.
Alex was right. The blue car did go faster.
"Smart kid you got there." Said Adalyn.
"Thanks," Mandi replied "He's not even three yet."
From the living room my mom yelled "Kristen, time to open your presents!"
Everyone stormed back into the living room fighting over chairs and couches while they all left the large reclining chair in front of the television and next to the couch open for me.
The first present I opened was from Adalyn. It was a set of two photo albums, one for memories with friends and family and one for the baby. The next present from Breann was a scrapbook that came with a variety of stickers and decorations. From Thani I got a pair of slippers with cats on them and a matching bath robe. From Mandi, Brad, and Alex I got yet another accessory for my car: a mirror to put in fornt so I could look at the baby while I was driving. From Alicia I recieved a best friends forever jewlery set with a necklace and bracelet along with a yellow stuffed giraffe for the baby. From my parents I'd recieved a green blanket my mom had made herself with a duck on it. The final gift I opened was from Hayden. It was in a small box wrapped in multiple layers of wrapping paper and tissue paper. When I opened it there was a silver plated bracelet with my name on the outside and monogram earrings and a necklace with the letter "K" for Kristen on them. At first I was a little hesitant, but overjoyed as well. I'd never had a guy like me this much, let alone buy me jewelry.

Innocent and Pure Unlike me Chapter 15

I know it's been a while since I've updated thing, just haven't had the time to write, but due to financial issues I'm being forced to take a semester off of college I'm pretty sure I'll have the time I need to work on finishing the first draft of this story.

October....
Answers to the heart
Chapter 15

Adalyn and I sat at the dining room table, she twriled a few strands of spaghetti on a silver fork, still finishing her first plate of food while I'd inhaled two entire plates of the stringy pasta.
"Slow down!" said Adalyn.
"Can't," I replied "Eating for two now."
"Still, you're finished with two plates while I'm barely finishing one." Adalyn continued to twirl the pasta on her fork, when my mom walked into the kitchen.
My mother was holding the phone to her ear.
"Kristen," she said "It's the officer from Sheboygan, she wants to discuss a date for you to give a DNA sample."
I grabbed e phone from the grasp of my mother's hand.
"Hello?" I said.
"Hello, Kristen?"
"Yeah?"
"It's me Officer Smith from Sheboygan county, I was wondering what a good day would be for you to come down here for a DNA test. You mom said that you don't have school on Thursday or Friday at the end of the month, but I wanted to ask you as well to make sure one of those days would work out?."
I set the phone down for a second, "Mom, Thursday or Friday during fall break?"
"Probably Friday, don't you have an appointment on Thursday?"
"Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I find out what I'm having on that Thursday," I picked up the phone again "Friday, around what time?"
"Well, the person doing the test is availiable around eight or noon, but I'm guessing you mom doesn't want to get up at 4 in the morning to come down here, and neither do you."
"Probably not, I'll ask about comming in at noon though," I put down the phone again "mom, how does noon on that Friday sound?"
"It shouldn't be a problem. I'll go write it on the calendar now."
I picked up the phone again, "Friday at noon shouldn't be a problem." I replied
"Alright, thanks Kristen. I'll talk to you then."
I clicked the off button on the phone and handed it back to my mother.
"So, what was that about?" asked Adalyn.
"I'm going down to Sheboygan the Friday after my birthday, and I'll be one step closer to finding out who my baby's father is."
"Awesome, I really hope that guy, or those guys that hurt you get punished severely!"
"Oh, I'll make sure they do, Adalyn, and I'll fight for full child support from the father. There's no way some complete stranger is gonna get me knocked up and not help me out somehow with raising this baby, even if I don't want him in the picutre because of what he did to me I'm still gonna expect that."
"Oh damn, Kristen, you don't mess around, do you?"
"Not at all, girl." I said as I picked up both mine and Adalyn's plates and put them into the kitchen sink.
"Adalyn," my mom shouted from the living room "come over here, I want to talk to you alone away from Kristen. Neither of you are in trouble. Just come over here."
Adalyn shrugged.
"I wonder what it could be about?"
"I don't know," I replied "Just see what she wants."
Adalyn went off into the living room. I could see my mother whispering in her ear, and a look of excitement on Adalyn's face.
"Hey, no listening Kristen," said my mother "Why don't you just go upstairs for a few minutes and I'll have Adalyn meet you up there when I'm done talking to her."
"Um, okay." I replied as I stormed up the stairs.
My birthday would be comming up in a week, so I wondered if the two of them were planning something for my birthday. Maybe my mom had bought me a a car since I go for my road test on my birthday, or even a bunch of baby stuff, or maybe they're just planning e a party, r looking further ahead and planning my baby shower? I have absolutely no idea.
At that moment, my cell phone stting on my nightstand vibrated and Hayden's name popped up on the screen with this message:
From Hayden: How r u?
I texted him back: I'm pretty good, and u?
Hayden:Good, just outside having a smoke? What u up 2?
Me:up in my room, waitina 4 Adalyn, mom had to talk 2 her bout sumthin.
Hayden: cool. Hear ur birthday's comming up, what day?
Me:The 24th
Hayden: Cool, I'll have 2 get u something
Me:U don't have 2
Hayden:But, I want 2. Ur so sweet. I feel obligated.
Me: Aw, really? Obligated?
Hayden: Duh! Ur one of the sweetest girls I've met n I kinda like you.
Me: Wait a sec, u like me?
Hayden:Obviously, ur so sweet, silly, and adorable.
Me:That's funny cause I kinda like u 2. It doesn't even bother u that I'm preggo?
Hayden: Not 1 bit, ppl get hurt n accidents sometimes happen. I'm not 1 2 judge. N 4 those guys who have a problem with that, well damn them to hell!
Me: lol, Hayden ur amazing.
I saw Adalyn storming up the stairs to my bedroom while I sat on my bed texting Hayden.
"Omigosh! Guess what, Adalyn?"
"What, Kirsten, what?"
"Hayden likes me!"
"Already knew that one, Kristen. I could see the signs."
"Damn, but anyways wat was my mom talking to you about?"
"Oh, nothing," said Adalyn "You'll find out soon enough!"
I was still grinning from the text messages Hayden sent me while I showed them to Adalyn.
"Wow," she said "He actually remembered that your birthday is comming up!"
"Yeah," I said "But I'm still a little shocked cause it doesn't bother him that I'm pregnant, and the kid's not even his!"
"Some guys don't have a problem with that, while it kinda scares others, you know? Maybe it has to do with the fact that Hayden's been surrounded by two women for most of his life. Maybe that's upped his desire to want children?"
"Sounds a little strange, but maybe it's true."

Innocent and pure, Unlike me Chapters Thirteen and Fourteen

Most of chapter 14 was just written in the last thirty minutes. ;]
Chapter 13

“My little jellybean” I said pointing to the ultrasound pictures just before health second hour started.
“You can see one of the little arms, it’s sticking out,” said Hayden smiling. “Know what you’re having yet?”
“I’m barely three months along. I’m not going to know until the end of next month or the beginning of November, but I have a feeling it’s going to be a girl.”
“What makes you think that, Kristen?”
“I just tend to know these things. I’ve never been wrong about the babies in my family.”
“So what if it’s a boy?” Hayden asked as he looked through the ultrasound pictures.
“Then it’s a boy,” I said “Then I can say that for once I was wrong. I don’t care what the gender is, as long as my baby is healthy.
“Come on, Kristen. Every mom-to-be says that,” said Hayden as the bell rang. He handed me a note as we got ready to leave class “Read this when you have the chance.”
“But it’s true.” I reached in my backpack for my health folder and put the ultrasound pictures back in the front pocket so my folders and textbooks wouldn’t ruin them. I still had to show the pictures to Adalyn, Breann, and Thani. I was off to English, then Geometry. We only have homeroom on Friday and today is Tuesday.
In the middle of one of Ms. Rahe’s lectures I took out the note that Hayden handed me at the end of first hour. It was on lined, college ruled paper with an off white tinge, probably the eco-friendly recycled paper. I pulled open the note and read to myself “If you ever need someone to talk to call me.” He left a house and cell phone number where he could be reached. I folded the note and placed it in my purse in the pocket where I keep my cell phone, and brought out one of my own pieces of paper. I’d give Hayden both of my numbers as well.
I didn’t know whether Hayden was serious about me calling him. He was nice and all, but I always get so nervous when I call someone new. My voice gets small, and I sound like I’m five. Even when relatives that I haven’t seen in a long time call the same thing happens, and they think I’m Patricia. I don’t know why I should be so afraid of calling people. Maybe I just don’t want to be rejected. I highly doubted that Hayden would call me. He probably didn’t even like me the way I wanted him to.
********
At lunch today Breann handed me a job application from the bookstore. It was a basic white, double-sided sheet of paper that asked for basic information, work experience, and references.
“You know your social?” asked Breann.
I nodded. It was one of those important bits of information I actually remembered. I wrote that first on the application so I wouldn’t forget. I continued filling out my name and the other information. Breann told me that since it was my first job I didn’t have to write anything in the work experience section. I wrote down Mandi and
Brad’s names for my two references.
“Just finish filling it out, and I’ll drop it off for you when I go into work today.”
“Thanks,” I said handing her the application. “I really hope I get this job.”
“Don’t worry,” Breann, replied, “I’m pretty sure they’ll hire you.”
“They won’t turn me down cause I’m pregnant, will they?”
“Stop being so negative, Kristen. You’re going to get the job!”
“Good luck.” said Adalyn in a cheerful and uplifting voice.
Thani was preoccupied with text messaging Darren. He happened to be in Advanced Physics at the moment. When he looked up he said not to worry about getting the job.
“I stop in there once a week when Breann is working. The people she works with are great, and Damien, one of the guys she works with has a nice ass.”
“Thani,” sighed Breann “You can look, but don’t touch. I’m still trying to work up the courage to ask him to homecoming. Besides you got Darren all to yourself, and I‘m pretty sure Damien likes women.”
“Damn,” joked Thani “What about friends with benefits?”
“No, Thani!” snapped Breann.
“I was just kidding.” said Thani as he sent Darren another text message. I wondered what they were texting about, but I probably didn’t want to know. It was probably the 21st century version of phone sex.
While Thani was texting his boyfriend my phone began to vibrate in the pocket of my snugly fit jeans. It was Hayden. “Mind if I come over to your table?” the message said. I stood up to search the cafeteria for him. He sat at a table in the far back corner all by his lonesome. He was biting into a chicken and cheese quesedilla. I turned to Adalyn and asked if he could come over to our table.
“It doesn’t matter to me,” she replied, “What about you two.
“I don’t object.” Answered Thani.
“Of course you wouldn’t,” said Breann “But go ahead Kristen. I’m kind of curious about this boy you’re into.”
I typed, “Yes” onto the screen of my phone and hit send. Within a minute he was walking over to our table. “Maybe,” I thought, “He doesn’t just feel sorry for me.”
Hayden pulled up a chair between Adalyn and I as he set his blue tray onto the table along with a couple of textbooks. The first minute or two after he took a seat at the table were quiet and awkward. Hayden’s eyes gazed passed each person at the table while Adalyn, Breann, and Thani had their eyes set on him. Finally Hayden spoke up.
“So, who are your friends?”
Adalyn was first to reply as she set her strawberry milk onto her tray. “I’m Adalyn.”
Breann was walking back to the table after getting rid of her tray. “And that’s Breann coming back over here.” I said pointing to her.
“Thani here.” He was last to speak as his eyes gazed up and down Hayden’s body.
“Thani,” Breann interrupted “You can’t have him.”
“So,” asked Hayden “Is this the homosexual friend you told me about?”
Thani looked up as if he was discouraged. “It doesn’t bother me,” explained Hayden “My mom’s are lesbians, just don’t try and get with me. I like women, thank you very much.”
“I figured you didn’t have a problem,” said Thani “Most of the guys in this school freak out if I even sit next to them.”
“That’s because you tend to fantasize about most of them.” Joked Breann.
“Not all of them!” Snapped Thani, “Just the hot ones, and I do have a boyfriend. It’s not like I’m gonna go ahead and try and get in some other guys pants anyways.”
“So, uh Kristen you have any plans for the weekend?’ asked Hayden.
“Not really.” I replied finishing the rest of my blue Gatorade.
“Then you want to do something, maybe on Saturday?”
“Say yes.” Adalyn whispered in my ear.
“I’m working on that!” I whispered back to her.
“Uh, sure,” I said “When on Saturday?”
“Probably Saturday evening, there’s a show I want to go to Merrill, one of my buddies from Winnebago was supposed to come up and go with me, but his parents grounded him. They found a bag of weed on him, and let’s just say they were pissed. So now I have an extra ticket.”
“I’d love to go!” I replied, as I was about to get up and get rid of my tray.
“Here, let me take that for you.” Said Hayden.
“Thanks,” I said, “Although I could’ve done that by myself.”
Hayden walked off to toss the garbage on our trays.
“I think he likes you.” Adalyn chimed in.
“I don’t know,” I said “I think he just feels sorry for me cause I was raped.”
“Kristen!” replied Adalyn “If he only felt sorry to you he wouldn’t be taking you to a concert. Besides I have a feeling he lied about his friend from Winnebago coming up so he’d have 2 tickets! I think he meant to buy one for you.”
“Maybe you’re right.” I said.
Hayden strolled back to the table. The lunch bell was about to ring.
“Before I forget, here’s the two numbers you can call me at,” I handed him the piece of paper with my phone numbers on it.

Chapter 14

Saturday came up quickly and I spent most of the afternoon getting ready for tonight. After I got out of the shower and blow-dried my hair. I brought out a flat iron that Mandi gave me before I moved. I was yet to use it, and figured that tonight I should do something different with my hair. Usually my hair was worn down in loose curls, but I’d always wondered what my hair looked like straightened. It was different, but I liked it. The straightened strands of light brown hair narrowed and outlined my face. I applied a thin layer of black eyeliner on the bottom of my eyelids along with mascara on my eyelashes. My eyeliner was paired with a rosy pink lip-gloss. I waited on the eye shadow since I still didn’t know what I was wearing yet.
Finally I decided on a gray cardigan with a teal polka-dotted tank top and a pair of jeans. I paired my usual converse all stars with that outfit, and a silver heart pendant necklace around my neck.
“I look great,” I thought even with my ever-present baby bump “I just hope Hayden thinks I look fine.”
Hayden pulled up in front of my house in a forest green Jeep with the top down. When he strolled up to my front door to ring the doorbell my mom answered.
“Kristen!” my mom yelled, “There’s a boy here for you!”
“Shit,” I thought “I forgot to tell mom Hayden was picking me up, let alone who he is.”
When I ran downstairs I saw Hayden sitting on the reclining chair talking to my parents. “She gets distracted easily,” I heard Hayden say. I could hear my parents laughing. I figured they were talking about the day in health class when I spent the whole hour staring at Hayden.
“That’s our Kristen,” my dad said “Can’t keep her mind on one task for more than a few minutes.”
“Hey now,” I interrupted “Hayden and I did get that project done for health class.”
“We did.” He said.
“So, you two,” my mom said “What our you’re plans for tonight?”
“Well,” said Hayden “There’s a concert in Merrill tonight that one of my buddies from Winnebago was supposed to go to with me, but he got grounded and couldn’t go, so I asked your daughter if she wanted to go.”
“Obviously she said yes.” My mom answered.
“Sorry,” I said “It totally slipped my mind for me to mention this to you.”
“It’s fine. Just next time you want to go out be sure to let us know what your plans are. We’ll let you go tonight, but for further notice just tells us what your plans are ahead of time.”
“I’ll be sure to do that.” I replied as Hayden pulled his keys out of his pocket.
“We should really get going.”
“Just have her back by midnight,” said my dad “Call if anything comes up.”
“Don’t worry dad, I will. Anyways, see ya guys later.”
“Bye Kristen! Yelled my mom! Love you! Nice meeting you Hayden.”
“Bye” I waved as Hayden and I got into his Jeep. The top was down, for early September it was still warm. A warm breeze blew in my hair as we got on the highway.
“Have you heard of Disturbed?” Hayden asked as he pressed play on his CD player.
“Yeah,” I said “But I only know a few of their songs. I like “Down With a Sickness though.”
“We’re going to be seeing them tonight!” he explained I heard “Down With a Sickness” playing, although a bit muffled by the wind.
“Awesome!” I said even though I only knew like three of their songs. “So,” I had to ask “Was your friend from Winnebago really going to go to the show with you, or did you make that up?”
“He was supposed to go, really.” Said Hayden hesitantly.
“Right.” I said jokingly.
“No really.” He was supposed to go.”
“Come on, Hayden. I know you’re lying.”
“Fine,” he finally gave in “I purposely called the radio station to win two tickets because I wanted you to go to a show with me. I barely ever talk to any of my buddies in Winnebago. Besides mom and Melanie say most of them are a bad influence, so I’m only allowed to talk to a few of them.”
“Knew it!” I said grinning at him. “You can’t fool me. I listen to the same radio station sometimes and I knew they were giving out Disturbed tickets.
“Damn, you’re good Kristen. I just didn’t picture you as someone who was into that kind of music. You seem like you’d be into like pop or country, except the converse you wear all the time give away a little bit of a rocker edge.”
“What can I say?” I replied, “I listen to almost everything. My best friend Mandi and her boyfriend are into a lot of those bands like Disturbed, Slipknot, Metallica, and Nirvana, so that kind of music just grew on me.”
“Well, it’s good to have variety in your life.” Said Hayden as we got of the Merrill exit ramp. A few miles down the road we reached the Smith Center where the show would be. Hayden frantically searched for a parking spot while cursing under his breath at someone who stole his space. He continued searching for another until he found one three rows back from the building.
“You know, “ Hayden said “This isn’t one of those concerts where you can sit down, or where all you do his hold a lighter up in the air. There’s a mosh pit and a lot of people jumping around and acting crazy. Sometimes the band members throw guitar picks and drumsticks out in to the crowd. You sure you’re going to be okay?”
“I’ll be fine. I just won’t go after the drumsticks, and I’ll stay out of the mosh pit.”
“Good idea,” Hayden replied “I don’t want you hurting jelly bean. I‘ll stay out of the mosh pit with you.”
“You can do what you want, Hayden. Just because you brought a pregnant chick to a rock concert doesn’t mean you can’t have a good time.”
“But I will have a good time, I’m with you and you’re awesome,” Hayden lit a cigarette “I’m going to have one before the show.”
“That’s fine,” I said as I thought about Hayden saying that he’d have a good time just being with me “I’m the only one whose really not supposed to have one,” the smoke made me cough a little bit and the smell was nauseating, yet I still let him continue smoking.
Drag after drag until I felt puke crawl up my throat I told Hayden to step out of the jeep.
“I’m almost done,” he said holding up his nearly finished cigarette.”
“Sorry,” I replied “The smell was really bothering me.”
“It’s fine Kristen. You’re the pregnant one, not me,” Hayden tossed his cigarette on the ground and stomped on it “Now let’s have a good time tonight.”
I nodded, “Right.”
The two of us handed our tickets to a security guard in front of the concert hall. A group of seniors from school were at the show along with many people I’d never met before. Everyone crowded together packed like sardines awaiting Disturbed to run onto the stage. Stage crew and tech people were out making sure all the mics worked and setting up for the show as voices roared in the auditorium. Not a single fan was sitting down. In the back of the auditorium was a display of band merchandise including t-shirts, posters, their newest CD and various other band merchandise. Hayden and I were standing near the back observing everyone that past by.
I took one of a few seats in back next to Hayden. While observing the crowd of people Hayden wandered off, but within minutes he was behind me. I felt something soft and cotton land on my head. The cotton was somewhat stiff and black. I pulled it off of my head to see that is was a t-shirt. Size medium.
“You didn’t have to,” I said modestly as Hayden sat next to me again.
“Everyone needs a souvenir from their first rock show. I figured I’d buy you something. The size is good, right?”
“It’s fine. I’m usually a small, but if I’m going to wear it over the next few months a medium is probably best. I think it helps that I have a long torso too.”
“Put it on, Kristen. I want to see how it looks on you. But you can take it off during the concert, It’s kind of lame to wear a shirt with the band you’re going to see on the front of it. They obviously know you like them if you’re at their show.”
Off went my cardigan that I handed to Hayden. I tried the short on over my tank top. It landed at my hips although it was a little loose.
“Looks great,” Hayden said “If you want to put your sweater back on I’ll put your shirt and bag in the car. You could easily lose your purse at one of these concerts. Besides, I have to flip the top up on the jeep.”
“Thanks,” I said Modestly “I’ll wear it Monday,” I handed him the black purse I carried with me and my t-shirt that he exchanged me for my sweater.
When the show started Disturbed came running out onto the stage starting off with “Down With a Sickness.” Fans were yelling and screaming, some held glow sticks in the air. The whole place was sweating hot, but the environment was fun and upbeat. Hayden and I remained near the back until later on during the show when Hayden was sent crowd surfing.
He went missing for a good ten minutes and five minutes after I lost him the drummer tossed a drumstick into the crowd. People leapt to the ground, piling on top of each other to get the drumstick. A pile of people were still fighting on the ground for the drumstick when I saw Hayden fighting his way through the crowd to reach me. He was holding the drumstick in his hand, tightly against his body.
“Boy, you worried me.” I snapped
“But, I got you something else.” he replied.
“But it’s yours. You caught it, “I said “I’d feel bad.”
“Kristen, I’ve caught a few other drumsticks, so don’t feel bad. This one is a small memento for you.”
“Thank you.” I replied.
After Hayden caught the drumstick the show continued for another hour. Afterwards it was just five minutes before eleven. My parents had given me until midnight, so the two of us had plenty of time to get home, so we stopped at Perkins to split an appetizer platter
The waitress came up to our table and asked the two of us wanted to drink
“Chocolate milk,” I replied “Hayden, I’ll pay for my drink.”
“It’s on me, Kristen. The whole night’s on me. Oh, and chocolate milk for me as well.”
“Copy cat.” I said.
The waitress was giggling under her breath “Be out with you drinks in a minute.” she replied.
“What?” Hayden asked “Chocolate milk sounded good.”
“At least you’re not having some sort of intense craving for it like I am.”
“That’s true, for me it just sounded good. You on the other hand might get a little irritable if you don’t get what you want,” Hayden joked.
“Hey now,” I said, “But I have to ask you something. Why out of all your other friends did you choose to invite me to that Disturbed show with you?”
Hayden turned away and started to scratch at the back of his neck, “Well, um, do you want the truth?” he asked.
“Be honest.” I said.
“That first day we talked in health class you really caught my attention. You were quiet and mysterious, and not to mention stunning. I wanted to get to now you, and I might not have a lot of school spirit, but home coming is the beginning of next month already. I wanted to get to know a girl and have a wonderful time with her at a dance, have dinner with her you know?”
“So, does that mean, you want to take me to home coming as well?” I asked.
“Yes, Kristen. I do want to take you to home coming. We‘ll even go to the game together on Friday night. All I need is an answer from you.”
I paused for a moment, and thought “He actually likes me, and I like him too. Maybe he hasn’t been so nice out of pity.”
“Yes,” I answered as the waitress brought our food and our chocolate milk.
“Enjoy you two,” she said as she walked away.
Everything on the platter was split evenly except for the onion rings. The two of us picked up the last one and started tugging on it until we split it in half.
“That worked out well,” joked Hayden as he ate his half of the onion ring.
I checked the time on my phone, “11:38PM” it read, “We should really get going so my mom and dad don’t get worried,” I said “I’ll leave the tip.”
“Don’t worry, Kristen. It’s on me,” Hayden pulled a five dollar bill out of his wallet.
We went up to pay for our food, and Hayden decided to buy six cookies, “They’re buy three, get three free.” Hayden said
“I want at least one peanut butter cookie,” I replied “The rest you can pick.”
“So, for her I’ll get a peanut butter cookie, a sugar cookie, and an oatmeal cookie. Same ones for me, except I want a chocolate chip instead of the peanut butter.”
The woman behind the counter picked up each one of our cookies and placed them in a bag.
“There you go,” she said “Have a great night.”
“You too,” Ayden replied as we walked out the door to his jeep.
I took my peanut butter cookie out of the bag and started to nibble on it. Hayden was putting in one of his Cds and starting the car. The two of us pulled out of the parking lot and headed home.
“Know what some bitch I was at the party with said?”
“What,” Hayden asked lowering the volume on his stereo.
“Bitch said I deserved to be raped, and my best friend Alicia back in Sheboygan gave her a black eye.”
“Way to go Alicia,” Hayden said “If I were there I would’ve done the same thing, even if I got in trouble for it. I’m numb to discipline, you know?”
I nodded, “Alicia got a three day in school suspension, for sticking up for her best friend. She’s very studious, so if she misses a few days she’s not going to have a problem getting her grades back up.”
“I’m working on being like your friend Alicia,” Hayden replied “You mind helping me?”
“Well, sure,” I said “But I don’t quite have a 4.0 g.p.a like she does.”
“I’m sure you’ll be just as helpful.”
“If you insist,” I replied as I took another bite out of my cookie.
The Abbotsford exit was in clear view, and the two of us were almost home. That night I did not want to leave Hayden’s side. He showed me the most fun I’ve had in a long time, and what it’s like to have a guy care about you. I doubt he only feels sorry for me. Adalyn was right. I think Hayden really does like me.
He pulled up into my driveway.
“I don’t want to go home yet. We’re having to much fun.”
“Wish I could keep you out longer too, Kristen,” He had a sorry look on his face “But it’s 11:58, and your parents wanted you home by midnight. If it makes you feel better I’ll walk you to the door.”
“That would be great,” I said as the two of us got out of the jeep. Hayden took me by the hand, and together we walked up the stairs.
“Right on time,” my dad said as we opened the door “You’re a good man.”
“Uh, thanks, Mr. Thorne. The two of us had a great time.”
“So, what did you guys do,” my mom asked. She was in the kitchen putting away dishes.
“We went to a Disturbed concert,” I started out saying, “I didn’t go into the mosh pit, but Hayden did. He caught the drumstick they threw into the crowd, and he gave it to me. He even went crowd surfing, and he also bought me a t-shirt. Then we went out to eat at Perkins and shared an appetizer platter. We both had chocolate milk to drink, then we got cookies. He paid for everything, and I felt kind of bad. But, he asked me to home coming.”
Hayden stepped behind me and Modestly turned away, “Did you now,” my dad asked Hayden “You paid for everything and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. I’m really glad my daughter met you.”
“Uh, thank you,” Hayden replied “I have to get going now, I’ll see you Monday,” Ayden wrapped his arms around me to give me a hug. I hugged back.
“I’ll see you too,” I replied as I dragged myself upstairs to my bedroom “Goodnight mom, goodnight dad. It’s been a long night and I’m tired.”
“See you in the morning, Kristen.” my mom said.
Once I was in my room I took off my clothes. I started touching jelly bean. “Hayden would make a good father,” I whispered to the life growing inside of me.
I threw on an old t-shirt and pajama shorts, and I pounced into my bed. Awake I laid for a good ten minutes, and before I shut my eyes I whispered “Hayden, I love you.”

Innocent and Pure, Unlike Me Chapters Eleven and Twelve

Chapter 11

Hayden and I finally got a start on our health project today. While I studied his food pyramid and read about what to eat and avoid in Seventeen, Hayden glanced through a fitness magazine where he searched for effective exercise routines along with health factoids. The two of us, although working on our project could not help but glance up at each other. We’d joke that we were only looking over to see what the other person was reading, but in reality I was staring at him. For being a former bad boy Hayden had quite the charming smile. I’m not sure if he was looking at me in the same way, but I found myself wondering what he saw in me, whether he looked up at me for the same reasons I did, or was staring down at my baby belly. By now it wasn’t that easy to hide that I was pregnant.
My first ultrasound is coming up next week already. For the first time I would be able to see the baby move, and what it looks like. I’m not going to know the gender for a few more weeks, but just seeing my baby move is going to be exciting. I wonder how Hayden feels about the fact that I’m having a baby. Great, I think I’m hoping that he’ll ask me out. I have my doubts about that happening. Most guys don’t go for pregnant chicks anyways. They’re afraid of taking on the responsibility of fatherhood, especially when the kid does not belong to them.
“This is getting kind of boring,” Hayden said “I want to know your story, Kristen. You seem like an interesting person.”
“But what if my story is boring. What if I‘m just some ordinary girl with no life?” I look down and gently rub my baby bump, then back up at Hayden.
“I told you my story yesterday,” he said “Why don’t you tell me yours.”
Since my situation was partially Cassidy and Kateena’s fault I started off explaining my background with them followed by the party, and the rape that took place at that party.
“You know who the fucker that did this to you is?” asked Hayden.
“I was drugged, Hayden. I really don’t remember that much of what happened that night. It’s terrible, I know. You must think I’m an irresponsible slut.”
“Not at all,” he explained, “Hell, I’m not perfect either.”
“But I was a virgin before that night.” I said opening up my magazine again.
“Bad things happen,” he explained “The first time I lost my virginity wasn’t pleasant either, but one thing I know is that I’ve always had a strong hatred for pedophiles, sex offenders, and homophobes as well. They all should just die.”
Usually I was never this open with someone I had just met, but with Hayden it was different. When he started to speak to me I felt that I could warm up to him right away. He was easy to talk to, sarcastic, charming, and witty. I felt I could just let out all my problems to him, even if it was in the middle of first hour health class. During third hour I would tell Adalyn about Hayden.
Adalyn was already in her desk when I entered Mrs. Ramey’s room. I took my seat and set my assignment on my desk for her to check. Adalyn turned towards me to ask, “How’s the day been treating you so far?”
“Hard to say, I think I’m falling for someone in my health class.”
“What’s his name?” asked Adalyn as she took out her math notebook.
“When did I say this person was a guy?” I joked.
Adalyn paused for a moment “You mean…”
“I’m kidding, Adalyn. It’s a guy. Hayden’s his name; I think his last name is Fisher-Clark. I’m not sure, but I know it’s something like that. It’s one of those hyphenated names. You know him?”
“Doesn’t sound familiar.” replied Adalyn as Mrs. Ramey entered the room.
“I’ll tell you more about him at lunch.” Adalyn nodded giving the okay symbol.
********

The two of us met up with Breann and Thani as we got into the lunch line. Breann grabbed her usual veggie burger, (except on Wednesdays when they had garden pizza), Adalyn and Thani each had some sort of chicken bake, and I had spaghetti without meatballs. I’m not a vegetarian like Breann; I just have issues trusting meat at school. For some reason it frightens me.
“So, about Hayden,” Adalyn continued.
“Is Kristen after a piece of man candy?” gushed Thani.
I turned away for a moment as I slurped a few of the spaghetti noodles on my plate.
“In a way,” I explained, “He’s a former bad boy from Winnebago, and I can’t take my eyes off of him.”
“He have lunch this hour?” asked Breann about to take a bite out of her veggie burger.
“I don’t know,” I replied “We just started talking yesterday, and the two of us end up having some serious and pretty interesting conversations during health class. But I have to ask, do any of you know what it feels like to fall for someone, like does your heart skip a beat, or is there like some sort of spark between the two of you?”
“You can’t really define that, Kristen. Darren and I just kind of clicked, and we’ve been together for almost six months already.”
“Speaking of Darren,” Adalyn asked “Are we still going up to Eau Claire tonight?”
“As far as I know it’s still on. We’re meeting by his car right after school.”
“Too bad I have to work.” groaned Breann sipping some chocolate milk through a straw.
“Hey, Breann what’s the name of the place you work at?” I asked “I need to find a job and soon.”
“It‘s a bookstore downtown. It‘s the only one around here. They pay pretty well too. $7.00 an hour for 15&16 year olds, and we could really use another person up front. I’ll let my boss know you’re interested when I go into work tonight.”
“Thanks, Breann. I could really use the money, especially with this new baby on the way.”
“No problem,” said Breann “Like I said we could use another person in front.”
“Thani,” I asked “You think your boyfriend could stop at my house before we leave? I have to get my money.”
“I don’t think it’ll be a problem,” he replied “Where do you live?”
“Just a few blocks from the high school.”
“Not a problem.”
I didn’t want to forget my wallet that contained two crisp fifty-dollar bills. I didn’t know what I was going to buy, but $100 was a decent chunk of money. I’d probably buy a few baby things, but not too many since I don’t know the gender yet, and possibly a few more pairs of sweatpants.
I really think Thani has something good going for him with Darren. Sure he has a lot of money, nice things, and a beautiful house out in the country, but he’s so fun and down to earth. The entire trip was spent laughing, joking, and pretty much having a good time. Darren and Thani talked about Adalyn’s last birthday when the two of them claimed to have sex on her bed and how she started spazzing out. Adalyn told me the story of how she set up Thani with Darren. He was one of her older brothers friends who happened to be gay, and Adalyn’s brother knew that Darren and Thani had a lot of common interests. They were both perfect gentleman, had similar taste in clothes and music, and both we’re single and searching for someone to complete each other. Adalyn and her brother had set the two of them on a blind date on Valentines Day. Since then Darren and Thani have been inseparable.
Once at the mall the four of us ordered bourbon chicken for dinner at the Mongolian BBQ place. After we had some food the four of us made our first stop at Journeys where Darren wanted to buy a new pair of Kangaroos. They were dark green with gray kangaroo logos and zippers. I picked out a few more maternity clothes and let the guys critique me on what looked the best. My favorite item I bought was a sheer white baby doll top with gray and black flowers and a ruffle trim on the v-neck. I also picked up a few pairs of figure forming sweatpants along with a stuffed bear for the baby. It was a white bear with a yellow ribbon around its neck that had “Baby’s first teddy bear” embroidered in yellow on the front of it.
When we got home from the Mall the boys dropped Adalyn and I off at my house. Adalyn had bought a chai tea latte mix at a tea place in the mall and the two of us wanted to make some. I suggested Adalyn come over to my house to meet my family. I’ sure my mom would feel better about her than she felt about Cassidy, and I was right.
“You should come over more.” I heard my mom say to her when she handed her one of our chai tea lattes.
“I want one too,” said my little sister.
“I don’t know if you’re going to like this.” I said to her.
“Can have a little sip?”
I let Patricia have a taste of mine.
“It smells like pumpkin pie!” she said “Mom can I have one?”
“Only a small one, dear. It’s getting close to bedtime.”
I poured some of mine into a smaller glass for my little sister.
“She’s a cutie,” said Adalyn.
“Not always,” I replied, “Sometimes she can be a real pain.”
After giving Patricia some of the latte I brought Adalyn up to my room. I showed her the items I bought for the baby when my mom and I went shopping, including the socks and some pictures of my friends back in Sheboygan. She’d already seen Mandi’s son Alex, but se hadn’t seen Mandi, Brad, or Alicia. I first pulled out a picture of Mandi and I from last summer. It’s so amusing that I stand about ten inches taller than her. She was wearing one of Brad’s band t-shirts in this picture and her reddish-purple hair was down in loose curls that draped an inch past her shoulders. Her long bangs were combed to the side. The only picture I had of Brad was a family picture taken of them last year with his shaggy blonde hair. I had Alicia’s school picture in my room. She’s so photogenic, and that is something I am envious of. That day she wore her hair down and curly with a denim jacket with a green and white polka dot wife beater underneath. The two of us continued sharing stories until around 10:00PM when Alicia had to go home.


Chapter 12
My mom picked me up from school at noon today for my ultrasound appointment. Right now the baby sort-of looks like a jellybean, so for the time being I’ve decided to call it Jellybean. Just seeing my baby moving it’s mouth, hands, and feet was one amazing. It gave me the security that jelly bean was okay.
The doctor, Dr. Natalie Ebben took a blood sample from me to test for possibly complications. So far the only real concern she had was my age, since I’m just 15 and still growing. I’ve had no difficulty gaining baby weight, so hopefully that’s a good thing, and enough nutrients are entering the womb. Like most parents I don’t care what my baby’s gender is, as long as it’s healthy, although I have a feeling I’m going to have a girl.
By the way, Hayden and I actually got our project done in class today. We still talked and I mentioned that I would have my first ultrasound today. He told me that he really wants to see the pictures. I wonder if that means something? Or maybe he just wants to see what a fetus looks like en-utero. Speaking of Hayden I was listening to the radio when my mom was driving me to my appointment. A song came on the radio, it was the newest one by Celine Dion, I think it’s called “Taking Chances” but, I took a good listen to the words of the song, and I realized how well Hayden and I (or at least I) could relate to that song. I’m not sure how Hayden feels about me, but even tough I just met him I think I want to take a chance with him, I’m just waiting for him to make the first move. Listening to that song almost brought me to tears. I could not look at my mom for a moment; I didn’t want her to see me cry over a boy and a song, although I’d probably just blame it on the pregnancy. I find myself relating to the entire song, but there’s one section in particular I can relate to me, as well as the chorus:


You don't know about my past, and
I don't have a future figured out.
And maybe this is going too fast.
And maybe it's not meant to last,
Chorus:
But what do you say to taking chances,
what do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

There’s a talent show in December for the holidays, and I’m thinking I might audition with this song whether things do or do not work out with Hayden. I continuously find that he’s on my mind, and I can’t erase his picture. Maybe I am falling for him? Scratch that. I AM falling for him! Neither of us has made a move, but I’ve already picked out a song for the two of us, and it’s so perfect for our possible relationship.
After my appointment my mom dropped me off at home and left to pick up my sister. I decided to go upstairs to my bedroom and call Mandi. The phone rang twice before she answered.
“Hello?” Mandi Answered.
“It’s Kristen.” I replied.
“What’s up, girl. I haven’t talked to you since you left Sheboygan.’’
“I had my first ultrasound today,” I explained “My baby reminds me of a jelly bean.”
“Aw, I better get to see pictures!” Mandi replied
“You will, but you have to come and visit me!” I said.
“Gas isn’t cheap, but we’ll plan a trip. I’ll even bring Alicia.”
“You know I’d love for the two of you to come up here. It’s a quiet little town, but the people I’ve met so far have been warm and friendly.”
“That’s good, anyways officer Smith stopped over by my house yesterday to talk to Brad and I. She’s talked to Jake, Cassidy, Kateena, and Mario. Mario admits he did mess around with you, but he didn’t say whether he had sex with you, but Jake Cassidy, and Kateena won’t say shit. Brad only knew Jake, Derek, and Adam at that party, but she’s going to talk to the two of them, and she wanted me to give her your new number, so thanks for calling! It’s now in my caller ID.”
“Guess I made perfect timing.” I replied
“You sure did, Kristen. Officer Smith is going to explain what she had to you tomorrow after Derek and Adam talk to her. We’re hoping they know some things that might lead us to the other two guys that raped you.”
“I really hope they can give her some answers. I just want this whole ordeal to be over, so I can raise my baby in a happy and healthy environment.”
“I’m hoping for that too,” Mandi said “Well, I have to get ready for work. Alicia has off, so she’s going to watch Alex tonight. I’ll tell her to call you.”
“Thanks,” I said “Bye”
“Talk to you later, Kristen,” I closed my cell phone and put it in my pocket.
I heard my calling for me when I got off the phone.
“Kristen! Supper’s ready!” she yelled
“Be down in a second,” I replied as I hurried down the stairs.
We were having chicken potpie with a side of mashed potatoes. I pulled out a chair and sat next to Patricia at the kitchen table.
Mommy, can I go over to Kenzie and Levi’s after supper?” asked Patricia.
“As long as you’re home by seven,” My mom said as she picked up a bite of pie with her fork.
“Just got off the phone with Mandi,” I said “About two weeks before we moved Mandi and I reported what happened to the police.”
“Kristen, you know the Sheboygan police are damn near useless.”
“It was officer Smith, the one who helped put the out of state sex offender behind bars.”
“Okay, I know who you’re talking about now, but how come you didn’t tell me?”
“I was scared. I didn’t know what you’d do.”
“Kristen, I’m proud of you for reporting this.”
“But, anyways,” I continued, “Mandi told her she’d give her my new number. She wants to talk to me tomorrow. She’s already interviewed Cassidy, Kateena, Jake, Mario, Brad, and Mandi she’s going to talk to Adam and Derek his two friends that were at the party, and she’s going to get back to me with what they said. She told me Cassidy, Kateena, and Jake didn’t say much, but Mario admitted to messing around with me, although he says he did not rape me. We’re hoping Adam and Derek, Brad’s friends could provide some more information.”
“Did either of them touch you, Derek and Adam?” my mom asked
“No, Brad actually picked them up before anything happened, but they know more of the people who were at the party than Brad does.”
“That should be helpful, having some names to narrow down. But, unfortunately they won’t be able to do a paternity test after the baby is born.”
“What’s a paternity test?” Patricia asked.
My mom hesitated for a moment “How do I start this,” she replied “Okay, it’s used when a woman has shared a bed with more than one man and if she has a baby with one of them it’s used to find out which one is the baby’s daddy.”
“You mean, more than one man hurt my big sister?” Patricia asked in a snarl.
“Unfortunatley.” My mom said.
“Stupid heads,” My sister replied, “Can I go next door now?”
“Yes, Patricia, be home in two hours,” my mom said “If it’s too dark have Lindsey walk you home.”
“Okay mommy. I love you, bye.”
“Bye Sweetie.” My mom replied as Patricia walked out the door.
I heard the phone ring and Alicia’s cell number showed up on the caller ID. I pressed the talk button and ran up stairs.
“Hey, Kristen,” she said “I heard you got your first ultrasound today. How’d that go?”
“Pretty good,” I replied, “So, what are you up to right now?”
“I just made supper for me and Alex. Mandi told you I was watching him tonight.”
“Yeah, she did,” I replied “You hear anything new about the party?”
“Not really. But, most of the school knows your pregnant now. Cassidy and Kateena have told everyone, and they’re not saying you were raped either. They told me at lunch the other day that you wanted it, and that you deserved what happened to you. That really struck a nerve in me, so I started cussing them out and punched Kateena in the face. She has a black eye now, and I have an in school suspension until Friday.”
“Alicia,” I asked in shock “You actually punched Kateena Wilson in the face?”
“She was starting shit about my best friend. I wasn’t going to put up with it. And the fact that she said you deserved to be raped really irked me.”
“I can see why,” I replied “Thanks for sticking up for me even though I wasn’t there. I would’ve loved to see you wail on the two of them.”
“Hell, if you were there Kristen I’d knock Kateena unconscious then pin down Cassidy and let you beat her to a bloody pulp. But then the two of us would’ve gotten at least an out of school suspension, but those bitches deserve that for saying you deserved to be raped. No one deserves that. Not even them. But, you can’t rape the willing.”
I laughed “At least unlike them we have morals and standards. I know a lot of people frown on me for choosing to be a teenage mom, but I made a mistake going to that party and I have to live with it. I have to get those assholes locked up and jail and give my baby the best life I can.”
“Speaking you your baby, when do you find out what you’re having?”
“My next ultrasound is November 3rd at 2:30PM.”
“Call me when you find out!”
“I will definetly call you. You and Mandi should really come up here sometime. It’s beautiful and a lot of the people I’ve met have been wonderful.”
“I’ll bring it up when Mandi gets home. I have to go and get Alex ready for bed.”
“Alright, Bye Alicia.”
“Bye,” I said as I clicked off the phone.

Innocent and Pure, Unlike me Chapters Nine and Ten

September:
Everything

Chapter 9
I hit the snooze button on my alarm clock. “Six thirty” I thought burying my head into my pillow. I was still tired, yet I’d gone to bed around eight thirty the night before. Damn, this whole being pregnant thing makes you tired. Reluctantly I woke up anyways.
After a quick shower I picked out my clothes for the day. Today I’d wear a black short sleeved hooded sweatshirt and a bluish green tank top underneath. I’d wear my dark wash jeans, and basic black converse all stars. For jewelry I’d wear my small silver heart earrings and a silver, star necklace.
It was simple, but I wasn’t trying to make too much of an impression. Besides the short-sleeved black sweatshirt was the best thing I had for the weather to hide my recently noticed baby bump.
I brushed my hair up into a high ponytail, applied some light makeup, grabbed a granola bar to go, and I was out the door. Upperclassmen were turning their cars into the parking lot, juniors showing off who got their license over the summer, while some freshman and sophomores walked down the same block I was on. It was a small town and the high school was in walking distance for almost everyone. Middle-schoolers strolled down the block across from me. The middle school was across the street from the high school. I didn’t make eye contact with anyone while I walked to school. Everyone else just seemed so busy socializing with each other, it’s not like any of them would want to talk to me anyways. I was just a tall, skinny giant that happened to be almost 3 months pregnant.
When I opened the high school doors upperclassmen were rushing to their homerooms while the freshman gathered into the auditorium for yet another “welcome to high school” presentation. It was probably going to be the same crap they tell every freshman class starting out with the whore “These are the best four years of your life” line.
I hurried to my homeroom and found a seat near the back next to a girl with jet-black hair that stopped at her chin and pale skin. She wore a green sundress with tiny, white hearts on it.
“Do I know you?” she asked in the loud roar of the crowd.
I didn’t say anything at first since it took me a moment to realize she was actually talking to me.
“Uh, no,” I said “I’m new here.” I started fidgeting with my necklace. I always fidget around with my jewelry when I met new people.
“So, what’s you name?” she asked
“Kristen,” I said. “And you?”
“I’m Adalyn.”
We started talking, Adalyn, like most of the school had lived here her entire life. She was different though. My stomach wasn’t the first thing that caught her eye. She didn’t even mention the “p” word. We mostly talked about school. I told her about my Freshman year in Sheboygan and the crazy things Adalyn and I did together. I even mentioned Mandi and Alex. My wallet has a few photo slots in it and I always had it with me, so I decided I would show her a picture of Alex.
“He’s adorable!” she said, “It must’ve been fun babysitting such a little cutie.”
“He’s a blast,” I said putting his picture back in my Wallet “Although he can be a real pain when he throws his little tantrums. If he gets, too out of control that’s when I call his mother. But those are rare.”
Talking about Alex made me miss Mandi and Alex a little more. I loved helping Mandi with Alex. Keeping him entertained while Mandi prepared supper and Brad still at work, reading stories to Alex, trips to the playground with the three of them were all things I missed. Just talking with Mandi by herself was priceless. She always gave me someone to talk to when I couldn’t tell Alicia or my parents something. I know I can still give her a call, but that’s not the same.
I just hope Adalyn doesn’t judge me or push me away when she finds out the truth. It’s still early enough where I can still hide my little bump, but at the rate it’s growing it probably won’t be long before Adalyn and the rest of the school knows. Adalyn seems to be nice but I’m still not sure if I want to call her a friend yet.
After the upperclassmen met in homeroom we could all go to the homeroom for an assembly and after that we’d go home while the Freshman stayed at school for a full day. A motivational speaker came in to talk to us about goals and why it’s important to have them. It wasn’t anything I hadn’t heard, so I brought out my I-pod for Adalyn and I to listen to as we shuffled through songs.
“You like the Red Hot Chilli Peppers?” Adalyn whispered to me.
“Love them,“ I replied as I shuffled through their songs on my I-pod.
“They’re my favorite!” Adalyn replied.
“Their one of mine too.” I said.
At this point the first day of school wasn’t too bad. I’d already started talking to someone, and right away I didn’t feel like I was being judged. She didn’t call me a slut or stare at my stomach, she just started talking to me, and we talked about friends and music. It would be awesome if we had lunch together. Having someone to sit with tomorrow would be great.
*********

The next day Adalyn ran up to me as I was walked out my front door.
“I didn’t know you lived so close to the high school!” She shouted.
I looked away for a moment. “Great,” I thought, “She already knows where I live, and we only met yesterday.”
I don’t know why I was so disappointed; she was the first person in the school to even say one word to me. I just wasn’t ready to start making friends. She wore another one of her lovely sundresses today. This one was blue with puffed sleeves and small polka dots in light blue. She wore a black tank top underneath and black ballet flats to match it. I had not noticed until today but Adalyn was pretty short, she had to be at almost a foot shorter than I was, but she was adorable.
“Wow,” I said I didn’t know you walked this way too.”
“I only live two bocks up the road from you.” she replied
“Interesting,” I said “For some reason I thought you lived in Colby or a few miles away, not right up the road.”
“Nah, I live right in town, but there’s a lot of people in school who live on farms and out in Colby. In order to be part of the popular you have to be either rich or a redneck,“ Adalyn Joked “I’m neither of those.”
I smirked “Neither am I, but whatever. I don’t care. It’s not like I’ve lived here all my life anyways.”
Adalyn laughed, “Come on, Kristen lets get going. It’d be ridiculous to be late on the second day of school.”
“Right,.” I said as I followed behind her.
Adalyn shared one class with me, and that was Geometry. After Geometry the two of us had lunch together. When Ms. Ramey gave us our first quarter seating arrangement Adalyn and I were placed next to each other in the back row.Come lunch time we met up with her two best friends, Breann and Thani.
Breann stood about 5’6” with a slightly athletic build. Her arms were toned and the black flutter top she wore flattered her athletic shoulders very well. Her hair was a dark shade of brown, almost black, her bangs similar to Adalyn’s, but her hair draped slightly past her shoulders and curled at the ends. She was the first person to start talking at the lunch table and could always keep a conversation going. It was obvious that Breann had a thing for tattoos and piercing. A tattoo of a blue and red serpent wrapped around her forearm. She also had various other piercing like the stud in her nose and the labret in her eyebrow. Her ears were gauged to what she told me was a 2G, and she wore metal pinchers along with two more piercing on her lobes, with two different studs, and a small silver hoop earring in her left cartilage.
“Your mom let you get that?” I asked pointing to the serpent on her forearm.
“My mom owns a tattoo parlor,” she said “She thinks it’s artistic. My dad doesn’t really care for it, though. He wishes my mom would’ve waited until my 16th birthday to give me a tattoo.”
“That’s amazing,” I said “My parents would kill me if I had anything besides my ears pierced.”
“So, did it hurt?” asked Adalyn.
“A little,” Said Breann as she was abut to take a bite into her garden pizza, “But I have a pretty high tolerance for pain.”
“We all know that!” said Thani. “I bet if you had the opportunity you’d get your nipples pierced and not feel anything.”
Breann giggled a little bit. “You know I have more respect for myself than to do that!”
Thani was about the same height as Breann, except for his electric blue Mohawk that gave him a few inches on her. He still wasn’t as tall as me though. Thani was gay, and quite open about it too. If boy-crazy Breann mentioned anything about a guy she found attractive he’d either agree or disagree with her.
“So,” I asked him at lunch “Johnny Depp, what’s your opinion?”
“Eh, too old.” he said “But he sure has a nice body.”
“That man shirtless,” said Breann “I’d tap him in a heartbeat.”
For the first time, since the move I felt like I didn’t need to prove myself to anyone. Not Adalyn, not Thani, and not even Breann. The way they welcomed me when I sat at their table was just unbelievable. Maybe there’s still time for me to find people I can confide in. I think tomorrow I’m going to get over my insecurities and wear something that isn’t so covered up. That will be my ultimate test for this new crowd of people. If Adalyn, Breann, or Thani can’t accept me because I’m pregnant than they’re not worth my time. Besides, I heard tomorrow it’s supposed to get up into the 90s anyways, and the A/C in the school hasn’t been working for the last two days either.



Chapter 10

I brought out one of my sundresses to wear to school today. It had thin spaghetti straps and was blue with small, white flowers on it, and matching white flip flops The dress wrapped around my body snugly. I even had difficulty zipping it in the back. Last summer I could easily slip that dress on, and the straps sometimes fell. I’d been the same height and only 117 lbs up until I became pregnant. Ever since I started showing I’ve gained a few pounds. My jeans that fit perfectly last year I now needed to jump into, and sweaters that buttoned perfectly had to stretch.

The one thing I enjoyed most so far about being pregnant was that I was actually gaining weight. Gaining weight was usually difficult since I have a fast metabolism, but now that I’m pregnant, I’m packing on the pounds pretty rapidly, and today I would walk the halls confidently. If anyone stared, or judged me I’d just rub it off. Well, maybe if I don’t run away and hide.
Once again Adalyn wore one of her sundresses, it was exactly like mine, only in red. And, instead of flip-flops she wore a pair of black leathery T-strap sandals. I walked to school today with her as well; only today I was less hesitant about walking with her. Maybe it was because I wasn’t in a panic about her knowing where my house was, or maybe I was starting to consider Adalyn as a friend. I didn’t know. It just felt so natural to just start walking and talking with her.
She didn’t notice my stomach at first; she just mentioned something about Thani’s boyfriend, Darren taking them to the mall in Eau Claire.
“He’s a senior, and he drives a hybrid SUV of some sort. His family is pretty rich, and his dad is friends with a guy who owns a car dealership in Minnesota, so they get somegood deals on their cars.”
I glanced at my mom’s blue Chrysler minivan, and my dad’s rusty, blue Dodge pickup truck. We’ve had the van for almost ten years, and the pick up since before I was born.
“He’s lucky,” I said “Just look at what my parents drive, not that I’m complaining.”
“Don’t feel bad, Kristen. My parents have been driving the same black Lumina for the past fifteen years. But, besides that Darren wants to go to Eau Claire to buy some new shoes. Thani’s coming with of course, but they were wondering if the two of us wanted to come with. Breann can’t, she has to work, but the two of us can, as long as you don’t have any plans.”
I really didn’t, so I said I’d ask my parents. I still had $100 from the last two times Mandi paid me before I left Sheboygan. I adjusted the strap on my backpack and looked down at the baby bump that protruded under my dress. When Adalyn mentioned that Breann had a job I was curious to know where she was working, I had to find a job, and fast. With the baby coming there’d be so many more expenses for me than before.
“Where does Breann work?” I asked as the two of us walked through the high school doors.
“This bookstore downtown, I don’t know the name of it, but they usually hire at 16, but they will take older 15 year olds if they need to. Breann said they’re looking for people if you turn 16 soon.”
“I turn 16 next month.” I replied
“It wouldn’t hurt to apply then,” Adalyn replied as we walked through the high school doors.
Students were shuffling around to their first hour classes. Thani and Breann were waiting for us by the gym.
I told the three of them that I had something important to tell them at lunch.
“What’s that?” asked Breann
“Are you moving again?” asked Thani.
“No,” I said setting my backpack down on the bench we were sitting on “You may know now, but if not I’ll tell you guys at lunch.”
“Are you….”? Adalyn trailed off as she adjusted the strap on her dress.
“Go on.” I said.
“Pregnant?” she whispered in my ear.
I nodded.
“Well, what is it?” Breann and Thani asked in unison.
“I’ll tell you guys at lunch,” I said right now we have to get to class. I stormed off to my locker, then upstairs to health class. Ms. Rahe was a calm, laid-back woman with an interesting sense of humor, but I guess that’s something you needed when you were talking to kids about sex, drugs, and alcohol. She could sometimes be a little absent-minded and usually never marked you late if you came into first hour within five minutes of the bell ringing.
“The last unit we’ll be covering,” she said as I walked in the door “is sex.”
I couldn’t have timed my entrance into class any better, or worse as I did that day. Ms. Rahe just glanced at me as the word sex rolled off her tongue. Two girls in the front row whispered back and forth to each other, I could hear the words “sex” and “pregnant” but not much else. Ms. Rahe’s eyes gazed down to my stomach.
“I’m not that far along,” I thought “But why is everyone staring already?”
I found my seat in the middle of the back row and took out my notebook.
“Today,” explained Ms. Rahe we’ll be talking about fitness and how to be healthy, and that means not snacking on those potato chips, Hayden.”
Hayden stared up at Ms. Rahe, pulling a cheddar and sour cream potato chip out of the bag. “Go ahead, Hayden” said Ms. Rahe “I’m not going to take them away from you.”
Hayden slowly brought his chips back out, and started nibbling on them. For the rest of the hour we continued discussing the fats in different kinds of food. In the middle of the hour I found myself craving some of his chips.
“Hayden, could I have a chip?” I asked.
“No problem,” said Hayden. He turned the bag in my direction and let me pull a few out of the bag. I usually didn’t care for potato chips, but today they sounded rather delicious.
Hayden was about my height and rather slender, his hair blonde and short in the back with long bangs in the front. He wore a black t-shirt with some death metal band on the front and medium was jeans with rips in the knees. I continued staring at him as I crunched on the potato chips he had handed me. Something about that boy fascinated me.
For the next ten minutes I continued gazing at Hayden who was studiously taking notes on the food pyramid. A boy like him I did not expect to pay much attention in class. He seemed like one of those kids who just wouldn’t care about school, grades, or any of that kind of stuff, especially health class. Ms. Rahe began to mention something about a project, but my focus was still on Hayden, not even my eyes moved to glance up at the front of the classroom. It wasn’t until Hayden spoke to me that I regained my focus in class.
“Do you want to be my partner?” he asked.
“For what?” I replied.
“You know, that stupid project Ms. Rahe mentioned, we have to work with another person to develop an exercise program and a diet plan.”
“Was not even paying attention.”
“You should have the rubric,” he said “Ms. Rahe just passed them down the rows shortly before everyone else shuffled about to find their best friend to work with, and I noticed you don’t have anyone to work with, and I don’t know anyone in this damn school yet.”
I was a little hesitant at first but replied with “You’re new too?”
“Just got out of Winnebago, and ended up moving to middle of nowhere Abbottsford cause that‘s where my mom‘s girlfriend lived.”
“So, you’re mom’s a les-” he stopped me in mid-sentence.
“Yeah, she’s a lesbian, got a problem?”
“No, one of my friends is actually gay.” I responded thinking about Thani.
“Anyways, about you…uh Kristen? Where did you come from?”
“Sheboygan.” I managed to squeak out. I didn’t want to think about what was being said about me back there.
“Isn’t that the city shaped like an armpit on Lake Michigan?”
I never really thought of what Sheboygan was shaped like on the map, but I managed a bit of a smile when he mentioned that. “Well, it’s on the lake,” I said “Never thought it was shaped like an armpit.
“That’s what my moms say it looks like. Two of them used to party down there all the time, and she says that there’s a bar on almost every corner.”
“I know most of them,” I say “My parents actually know a few of the bar tenders.” I glance at the rubric that was handed to us.
“She expects us to start the school year with this big of a project?” I ask.
“Guess so.” replied Hayden as he glanced at the food pyramid he had drawn in his notebook. A stack of health and fitness magazines sat on the two tables in the front of the room along with a few issues of Seventeen and Cosmo Girl that contain work out routines.
“At least there’s magazines to help us come up with workout routines and diet plans,” I explained. “Anyways how long were you living in Winnebago before you came here?”
“All seventeen years of my life, I was born there, but I’ve been in and out of treatment and correctional facilities.”
“What for? If you don’t mind me asking.” I questioned.
“Might as well be blunt about this. My mom and dad divorced when I was eight. Mom had realized she couldn’t love my father, and she preferred women. She told me that even marriage and attending church every Sunday couldn’t shake the gay out of her. Only six months after her divorce with my father she told me she was a lesbian. I was almost nine, and at that time she’d met Melanie who lived right here in Abbottsford. Kids gave me a lot of shit for having two moms, and some parents forbid me from playing with their children. Many taunted me, asked if I was a fag, went around saying I didn’t have a penis, even calling me pussy boy. I’d shrug it off like it was nothing, but inside I was hurting. I didn’t know whether I should be sad or angry. Whether I should hate the kids at school or my mom and her girlfriend.
In fourth grade my grades started to suffer. The last thing I cared about was school. I was always worried about what the other kids would do or say to me. My teachers would try talking to me, but I was afraid to mention anything. It was just so uncomfortable, and I was afraid they too would have a problem with my mom’s lifestyle. In fact, one day in fourth grade this little bastard who say behind me in class told me I was going to hell because if my mom was gay so was I, and I lost it. I remember turning around, picking the kid up under his armpits and throwing him into the closet door next to our desks. I told him he was going to hell for being an asshole, and calling the rest of the kids in my class whatever four-letter word I could think of, and tossing my history textbook to the ground. I threw pens and pencils at my teacher and the rest of the class; tore other people’s assignments into pieces. If I made anyone cry I didn’t feel a single ounce of guilt, even called my teacher an ignorant cunt. I’ve never been a fan of that word, but at that time it just rolled right of my tongue. I could tell that was the final straw for my teacher when she yanked my arm and marched me down to the principal’s office. I knew if was in a lot of trouble, but I told them they couldn’t do a damn thing about me. I was suspended for a week, and reluctantly had to write an apology letter to the kid I threw, my teacher and the principle. Sure the letters sounded sweet and sincere but they were all lies and bullshit I made up to please them.
Fifth grade didn’t get any better. When I was 10 I started smoking because some boys from the middle school threatened to chop my dick off if I didn’t. Since then I’ve been unable to quit. I started stealing, first merchandise, and then cars. By the time I was eleven I had been in Juvi twice. I was binge drinking at least twice a week, popping pills and experimenting with heavy drugs like cocaine and heroin. I’d smoke pot whenever I could afford it, stealing money from my mom’s wallet, or Melanie’s if she was over. I was so angry I couldn’t explain anything. Mom tired taking me to counseling but I was too stubborn to speak, just walking into the therapist’s office made me crave a cigarette.
Since the therapy wasn’t working they sent me to live in a home in Wittenberg, but after I stole a van and started driving back to Winnebago I was sent to Lincoln Hills where I stayed until I was 14.I snuck some pills and whiskey onto the premises along with a sharp blade that I kept in a hidden pocket in my winter jacket. Once all lights were out and everyone else was asleep I brought out a bottle of Jack Daniels from the inside of my jacket and started to chug it as fast as I could. I chased down two ecstasies and about five Vikeden, and an anti-depressant with the bottle of whiskey that I followed with another bottle of Jack. If that didn’t kill me I had my good friend, the razor blade.
After the pills and the alcohol I was still conscious but my stomach started to feel queasy. I could feel the vomit crawling up my throat. I feared that whoever was working the nightshift in the halls might become suspicious if I they saw me rushing towards the bathroom, so I cracked open my window and let it all out to the ground beneath my window.
Within minutes of puking my brains out, my hand weakly fumbled towards my opposite wrist, but before the blade could touch it I went unconscious. I don’t remember much after that, but I remembered waking up at a hospital in Merrill. Melanie stood by my bedside, my mom holding onto her hand tightly. I could see her wiping a tear from her face. I was told that the woman working the nightshift had found me around 2AM unconscious on my floor with both bottles of whiskey at my side, and the doctors had explained that I’d went unconscious around 10:30 that night, and if the nightshift lady hadn’t found me when she did I’d probably be dead. For the fifth time in my life I had to have my stomach pumped because of all the pills I had taken. I was irritated with the doctors for not letting me die since that’s all I wanted.
Finally, after that entire trauma I was sent to the mental hospital back in Winnebago where they diagnosed me with anti-social personality disorder and severe depression. I was placed on high dosage anti-depressants and anti-psychotics which I still take, and spent almost two years in Winnebago getting treatment.”
I was so busy listening to what he had to say that I didn’t ask a single question until he finished telling me everything.
“How are you doing now?” I asked.
“Much better than I was three years ago. When they first sent me back to Winnebago I tried to overdose on my medications, but I got in trouble, and I didn’t speak at group therapy sessions for the first six months I was there. But now I’m much better. Like I said I still take my pills, but in a lower dosage, and I still go to therapy sessions to work things out. But, other than that I’ve learned to love and accept my mom and Melanie for who they are, and not let other’s opinions bring me down, and I still visit my father once a month although we’re not very close. He took the divorce pretty hard.”
“I can understand why, I mean you didn’t take the transition well either.” I looked up at the rest of the class. Groups of students were running their magazines back to the tables in front. Looking up at the clock I realized we had only a minute left of class. Time went by pretty quick listening to Hayden tell me about his life. He might’ve been a former bad boy, but he had that spark about him that just fascinated me. The bell rang.
“See you in class tomorrow?” he asked.
I nodded as I strolled off to Algebra to meet up with Adalyn. Shortly before the bell rang Adalyn asked me who my baby’s father was.
“The truth is,” I explained as I signed my name in my textbook “I don’t know.”
Adalyn took a pen out of her pencil case “What do you mean you don’t know,” asked Adalyn “Did you like to mess around? Were you raped?”
“The second one.” I whispered
“Oh my gosh!” she said in a loud whisper, her fingertips pressed against her bottom lip.
“So, are you keeping it or putting it up for adoption?” she asked again
“Keeping it.” I said as I opened my textbook to the page that Ms Ramey had written on the board.
“I’ll talk more at lunch,” I whispered, “I don’t want Ramey yelling at us!”
I hated having math right before lunch, especially with Ms. Ramey. She always spoke in such a soft, and monotonous voice, that could make just about anyone fall asleep in her class. She was older, and a little uptight. Everything was done her way and that was the only way. When she had me solve a math problem on the dry-erase board yesterday she was a little irritated. Although I got the problem right, I did not solve it the way she taught us to solve it. Teachers like her just make me want to get up and do the teaching.
A juniore that sat in front of me whispered, “Why can’t that hag just retire?”
I’d assumed he had her for Geometry last year. I nodded in agreement as I sat at my desk with my right hand on my chin, trying not to fall asleep. I started nodding off and Adalyn tapped me on the shoulder.
“What?” I’m up,” I whispered “She’s just so boring and my early-pregnancy fatigue isn’t helping.”
That hour I spent more time staring up at the clock instead of facing the dry-erase board. Finally the lunch bell rang. Adalyn and I hurried off to lunch to meet up with Breann and Thani.
“So, what’s the big news?” Thani asked as he opened his brown, paper lunch bag.
“Before I moved here,” I explained “Something happened, and…” Breann cut me off.
“Was it bad?”
“I’m getting to that.” I said, “I went to this party. There was alcohol, and I hadn’t drank before.”
“I’m guessing you drank at the party?” Adalyn asked.
I nodded “It was Jack and coke, and I had to go to the bathroom so I gave my drink to someone I thought was my friend.”
“They weren’t much of a friend, were they?” Thani asked
“Not exactly,” I replied “I think she put something in my drink, cause after I came back from the bathroom I don’t remember anything, but I woke upin an unfamiliar room, in a bed. I was next to a guy I did not know in just a t-shirt, and I saw pills on the night table beside me.”
“So,” Breann asked, “You’re trying to tell us that you were ra-.”
“Yes,” I said bowing my head down. “And I’m three months pregnant.”
“Oh my,” Breann said, “Do you know who the father is?”
I shook my head.
“Well if there’s one thing I hate it’s rapists. I don’t like people who molest children or beat women.”
I could feel a tear running down my face as I wrapped my arms around Breann.
“It’s okay,” she said as she hugged me back “We’ll find out who the asshole is that hurt you.”
“Will you guys reject me?” I asked as I picked up a napkin from my tray to wipe my tears.
“Not at all,” said Thani “I like guys and I’ve been best friends with these two ladies since grade school! Do you see them kicking me to the curb? No!”
“But being gay is different from being pregnant,” I said “Even though both affect you for the rest of your life.”
“It’s okay, really,” said Adalyn “I mean it’s not okay that some jackass raped you. Bad things just happen to good people. Did you say no?”
“I don’t know,” I explained “Like I said I was under the influence.”
“You still didn’t give consent,” Breann explained, “Once you find out who this jerk is you can press charges.”
“That’s what I’d like to do,” I explained “But the only evidence I have is that I am pregnant.”
“You’re still a minor though we all are” Chimed in Adalyn “Having sex with a minor with or without consent is still statutory rape, and the fact that you’re pregnant might just be enough to prove he’s guilty.”
“I really hope so.” I said.
No matter what my past is I have friends who won’t judge me .Alicia, Mandi, Brad, Alex, Adalyn, Breann, Thani, you’re the greatest friends I could ever ask for. I should’ve mentioned Hayden at lunch, but I wasn’t quite ready to mention my interest in him. He fascinated me, and his voice gave me a warm, comforting feeling. Could this mean that I like him? I don’t know? What does it feel like to fall for someone? This is not a feeling I’ve ever experienced, so I don’t know what to think, say or do. I only noticed him today, and I could not tell whether my heart skipped a beat, but for most of health class I found my eyes glued to him. He may have been a bad boy, but he’s changed, and he’s still changing. Still a smoker, but he says it’s a bitch to quit. I would not know, only because I have not tried it. I wonder if e would make me try if we were to become more than friends, or maybe he wouldn’t because he would not want me to become addicted. But, love; I’d truly like to know what it feels like to love and be loved platonically.
If I wasn’t drugged at that party I would’ve remembered love is not just about sex. I didn’t know who raped me, and certainly I did not love them. I know how to love my family and friends, but that kind of love is different . What I don’t know is how to fall in love with a boy. Maybe it just happens?

Innocent and Pure, Unlike me Chapters Seven and Eight

Two more short chapters
August:
Adjustments

Chapter 7
I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow at noon, where they will do tests on me, and tell me whether I’m truly pregnant or not. Mom doesn’t know that I went to Planned Parenthood with Mandi, so she wants me to have another test done. They’re doing plenty of tests on me tomorrow anyways, so I figured might as well have another done. Also, I have decided that tomorrow I will break the news to my dad and my sister.
********

“There’s no doubt about it, you’re pregnant, Kristen.” That’s what the doctor told me.
That was obvious. I’m going to have my first ultrasound the week after school starts. They’re also going to do tests to find out if there are any health concerns. On the 10th of next month I’ll be three months along. My due date is between March 25th and April 7th. Between late October and early November I’ll be half way along, and I’ll be able to find out the baby’s gender.
On the way home I told my mom that I was going to break the news to dad and Patricia.
“You sure you’re ready for this?” my mom asked, “You can’t tell Patricia the same thing you want to tell dad. Patricia doesn’t even know what rape is yet.”
“ I know that mom,” said as we parked in the driveway.
When the two of us walked into the house I could hear my dad and my sister talking in her bedroom. She was telling my dad how she wanted her room decorated.
“This one,” She said pointing to a picture of a room with hot pink walls and a hello kitty bedspread on a bed with a white frame. “No, wait this one!” she pointed to another picture where the walls were lime green with pink Hawaiian flowers.
My mom finally chimed in “There’s some news we need to tell you.”
I hesitated for a moment.
“Patricia,” I asked “Is it okay if we bring daddy out of the room for a moment? We’ll bring him right back.”
“Why?” she asked.
“We need to talk to him about something,” my mom said “We’ll bring him back in when we’re done, then we have to talk to you.”
“Did I do something bad?” she asked.
“No, Patricia it’s about your sister.” My mom explained.
“Was Kristen bad?” she asked again
“Well, not exactly, no, Patricia.”
My mom and I brought my dad into the living room, and I turned up the TV a little bit.
“You know that party with Kateena and Cassidy?” I asked
“What about it?” my dad replied.
“Well, there was alcohol. I had a little bit, only a mixed drink, and I did something really stupid.”
My dad looked disappointed “I thought we taught you better,” he replied “But go on, what else did you do?”
“I had to go to the bathroom, so I gave Cassidy my drink. I have a feeling she put something in it, because after I came back from the bathroom I don’t remember what happened next. I just remember waking up in just my t-shirt, next to a complete stranger, and I was raped.”
I could see an angry look glaze over my dad’s face.
“Whose the son of a bitch that hurt my little girl, Kelly?” asked my dad.
“I don’t know. All I know is that I’m pregnant. I’ve taken three tests. All of them were positive.”
I could still see the anger in my father’s eyes, but it was slowly turning into disappointment. “Not my daughter,” he said, “You’re still a little girl Kristen. You can’t be having a kid yet.”
“Dad,” I said, “I’m already six weeks along.”
“Well, um,” my dad was speechless for a moment. “But, that asshole who hurt you is going to pay.” snapped my father.
“That is if we can find him.” I said.
“Oh, we will,” My dad, said, “We’ll find him and make sure he gets locked up for the rest of his life!”
If giving my dad the news wasn’t painful enough, telling Patricia wasn’t going to be any easier. I came back into Patricia’s room and took a seat on her bed. She was still paging through an interior design catalogue. She looked up at me and asked “What do you have to tell me, Kristen?
“Patricia,” I said, “I’m going to be having a baby.”
Patricia looked up at me, the stare on her face entirely blank. Our mom stood in the doorway as I spoke to my sister.
“But I thought only mommy and daddy could have babies together. You’re not mommy!” she replied.
I waved for my mom to come into Patricia’s room. “Does Patricia know where babies come from yet?” I whispered into my mom’s ear.
“Patricia, I’m going to talk to your sister for a second. We’ll finish talking to you in a little bit.”
“But mom, Kristen isn’t you. She can’t have a baby.”
“Hold on, Patricia,” my mom said as she brought me outside Patricia’s doorway.
“How much does she know?” I asked.
“I told her that babies are made when two people who love each other share a bed, and sometimes when they wake up they are given a baby that grows inside of them, and is born a few months later.”
“What should I say, about my situation?”
“Hmmm,” my mom pondered “We don’t want to confuse her, or tell her too much. After all, she’s only six. But, how does this sound? Sometimes a man and woman share a bed that don’t love each other, and the woman doesn’t want to share the bed with him, but because the man is too strong she can’t get away, and sometimes she still wakes up with a baby inside of her.”
“That might work. Thanks mom,” I said as I walked back over to Patricia’s bed.”
“You know what mom has told you about where babies come from,” she nods and I continue “But, sometimes the man and woman don’t love each other and the man hurts the woman, and she is given a baby to grow inside of her.”
“Did someone hurt you?” Patricia asked.
“Yes,” I replied
“What a meany head,” Patricia said “Mommy and daddy are gonna yell at him, right?”
“Not exactly, Patricia. You see, the way he hurt me he can go to jail. I’m still a child like you and it’s against the law for a man to try and make a baby with a child.”
“So he did something really bad to you, didn’t he?” my sister asked. She sounded sad.
“Yes, very bad.” I sighed.
“Well, I hope he goes to jail too,” Patricia said. She reached around to give me a hug “Nobody hurts my big sister.”

Chapter 8

School registration was today, and since the high school and elementary school were only a few blocks away my mom, Patricia, and I decided we would walk. My sophomore year of high school started in two weeks and Patricia would be entering the first grade.
A long row of paperwork and fliers lined the front entrance of the high school. Each piece of paper a different color. The white one was general information, and sat next to a stack of calendars. Next to that was the school picture order form followed by different flyers for open house, and different events at the school. Before any of that I still had to pick up a course book and scheduling information. My mom ran into the school office to pick up a booklet while I held our place in line.
At least fifty other students and parents were in front of us; I stood nervously glancing about the hallway. I was just another new student in the hallway, but soon I would start to have a baby bump. I pondered what other students would think about me while I stood in line holding my sisters hand. Teenagers clustered into groups with their friends. No one aknowleged me, but I figured that a lot of these people had known each other since grade school. I could hear gossip about their summers, some went on trips, some stayed home and worked, others just stayed home and spent time with their friends.
I didn’t have anyone to talk to, but my summer wasn’t so pleasant. I went to a party. Got raped. Got pregnant. Moved. I don’t think anyone could ask for a worse summer than that. Not that anyone cared, but it angered me to hear about everyone elses wonderful summers.
“You okay, Kristen?” Patricia asked.
“I’m fine, Patricia. I’m just mad.”
“Why are you mad?”
“See the big kids over there talking,” Patricia nodded “They’re all talking about their summers, and a lot of them went on trips and hung out with their friends, and some worked all summer.”
“You Hung out with Alicia and Mandi and you went to a party,” Patricia said “And we moved.”
“That’s it, Patricia. We moved. Moving and going on vacation are different. Moving is permanent and usually unpleasant. A Vacation is temporary and usually pleasant. Also, remember that I got hurt at that party, so it wasn’t very fun.”
“Oh yeah,” Alicia said “Well, I’m mad too. I’m mad that someone hurt you.”
By the time my mom returned with my course book Patricia and I had inched up a little bit in line. She handed me the thick spiral bound course book and a green selection form. “All we need to do is stop in the guidance office once you’re registered.”
I sat on a bench next to the gym doors that were across from the line of people. I started out with my core classes, since those I had to take. English 10, World History, Biology, Biology, and health II were all mandatory. So was gym, but I could choose between two different classes: Gym A and Gym B. Gym A included flag football, soccer, softball, and basketball. Gym B included tennis, swimming, tumbling, and Frisbee golf. Gym class has never been a favorite of mine since I’ve never been athletic, but Gym B caught my interest the most. If I wanted to go on to college I needed at least another year of foreign language so I decided to continue with Spanish and take Spanish II.
I still had enough room for 2 more half-credit classes. For each of those I chose intro to graphic design and Foods I. I figured those would be good choices for me, to take just for fun, and maybe learn a few things since honestly I have no idea what I plan on doing after high school. Come graduation I’m going to have a two year old little boy or girl, and I’m not sure what I’m going to be thinking about. College has been in my plan since middle school, but since I’m having a baby I might have to put that on hold.
When I stepped back into line to meet up with my mom and my sister there were just 10 people ahead of us. I handed my mom the course book and the form with my selections. Once our turn came we handed our forms to the woman at the table in front of us, who sent us down a hallway to the left so I could get my ID and yearbook pictures taken. After that we were sent to the guidance office where I would get my schedule. Everyone who signed up for courses in February already had their schedules mailed to them.
My mom and I walked into the guidance office. A long gray counter lined the front of it and a woman sat behind it. She looked about fifty with graying hair that hit her shoulders.
“Who would my daughter talk to about scheduling?” my mom asked.
“Could I get a last name?” the woman behind the counter asked.
“Thorne.” my mom replied.
“Last name is St-Z, she’d talk to Ms. Whittaker on the far right. I believe she’s still in her office.”
“Thank you,” my mom said as we turned to the right.
Ms. Whittaker was sitting at her desk, her eyes focused on her computer screen. She looked up as my mom and I walked in. Patricia sat in a chair outside of Ms. Whittaker’s office. She looked young and fresh out of college.
“I was told you could help schedule me.” I said.
“Could I get a name?” she asked.
“Kristen Thorne, with an “E” at the end. I’m new here,” I took a seat in one of the blue chairs in front of her desk.”
“What grade are you going into and where are you transferring from?” she asked.
“A sophomore, and Sheboygan North.” I replied. Ms Whittaker typed in the information and I handed her the form with my course selections. She unquenched in the code numbers for each of my courses.
“This look right to you?” she asked.
I glanced through the schedule, Health II, English 10, Homeroom, Geometry, Early Lunch, World History, Biology, Foods I, and French II.
“They’re all there,” I said as Ms. Whittaker printed out my schedule.
“Thank you for stopping by, and enjoy the rest of your day.”
“We will.” my mom said.
Our next stop was the elementary school. We walked across the street and sow Lindsey walking into the school with Kenzie and Levi.
“My new friends!” Patricia squealed as she ran up to Kenzie and Levi.
“Patricia!” shouted Levi.
“Nice seeing you guys again,” said Lindsey as we walked into the elementary school. “Registering your kids for school too?”
“Just finished getting Kristen registered, and now we’re getting Patricia taken care of.
“We’re going school supply shopping after I get Kenzie and Levi registered.”
“We’re going tomorrow.” My mom replied.
“We’re going to all be in the same class together, Patricia!” Kenzie chimed in.
“That will be so awesome!” Patricia said.
“You want to go outside and play on the playground?” Levi asked.
“I’ll ask my mom, Patricia replied. “Mom, can I go outside and play with Levi and Kenzie?”
“As long as Kristen keeps an eye on you guys.”
“I agree,” Lindsey chimed in “I don’t want you guys out there by yourselves.”
“Kristen,“ my sister begged “Will you go outside with us?”
“If you really want me to.” I replied.
“Please Kristen,” my mom said “Just keep an eye on them.”
“Fine,” I said “Come on guys lets go outside.”
Outside I took a seat on a bench near the playground while Kenzie, Patricia, and Levi ran towards a tire swing on the play ground.
“Push us, Kristen! Push us really high!” Patricia yelled.”
Reluctantly I got up. I really didn’t want to be outside in this heat, and being pregnant didn’t help.
“Okay guys,” I said “Hold on tight!” I started spinning the swing then pushed it as high as I could lift it. The three of them screamed in excitement, although watching the swing move back and forth nauseated me.
“Again! Again,” They yelled as the swing came to a stop.
“Okay, here it goes,” I said “I’m going to go even faster so don’t get sick!”
“We won’t!” Levi said “We like going fast. It’s the best!”
For the next thirty minutes I continued pushing them on the swing. I’d never seen my sister have this much fun with her friends in a long time. The whole time she was on the swing with Levi and Kenzie she was giggling, Laughing and having a great time. I wish I could’ve gone on without feeling sick.
Kenzie and Levi’s mom walked up to the playground “You’re great with them.” said Lindsey.
“Thanks,” I said shyly “I always watch Patricia and I used to baby-sit my neighbor’s little boy back in Sheboygan, but he’s only two.”
“Speaking of that, you’re mom told me you’re looking to earn some extra money. I was wondering if you could watch Kenzie and Levi every now and then. I’d pay you between $10 and $20 every time.”
“Sounds good, they’re such wonderful kids and Patricia loves being with them.”
“Great!” Lindsey replied “Your mom already gave me your phone number, so I’ll call when I need you.”
“Awesome!” I said.
“Kenzie, Levi! Time to go!”
“Can Kristen push us once again?” Kenzie asked.
“One more time, then we have to go and buy school supplies.”
“Ready?” I asked them “I’m going to go really, really fast this time! 1...2...3.” I gave the three of them another push on the swing.
“They’ll have so much fun with you as a sitter,” Lindsey said “And I’m sure that you’ll be a great mom when you decide to have children.”
“Really?” I asked shyly
“From what you mom’s told me and just seeing you with my kids, I can see you’re pretty good with them.”
“Uh, thanks, I replied thinking about the little life growing inside of me.
“Come on Levi, come on Kenzie we got to get going now.”
“Aw come on, mom.” Kenzie stammered.
“We have to go buy school supplies. You’ll get to see Kristen and Patricia later. Patricia’s going to be your new babysitter.”
“Really, asked Levi. “That’s so cool!”
“Bye Kristen! Bye Patricia, The three of them shouted as the walked back towards the elementary school.
Patricia and I followed a few feet behind them too meet up with our mom. While we tagged behind I looked down at my stomach to talk to the little one inside me.
“I hope I’m a good mother.” I whispered.